THRIVE WITH AHIMSA

Why is the attitude of Ahimsa advantageous?

The attitude of Ahimsa makes us feel more connected with others.
Only if we intend to thrive with others, we’ll really be in a joyous flow-state, in which we have the feeling that the universe supports us.
There is no ‘should’. We do not practice Ahimsa because we feel morally obliged to do so, but simply because it feels good to be connected with others in compassion.
But, Ahimsa also means to have compassion for ourselves, not to hurt ourselves or allow ourselves to be hurt; to forgive ourselves for what we can no longer change.
We are not helping anyone by letting our actions be motivated by guilt, shame, or fear.
Actions that are carried out half-heartedly under the pressure of guilt or fear, and actions that are perceived as self-sacrifice, often generate resentment or feelings of regret in retrospect.
Rather, get magnetic by doing what you love or by loving what you do. Infect others with the power of enthusiasm and affirmation.
Power doesn’t have to be defended. It arises by itself as soon as people get involved in a ‘common cause’ that they love or at least share an interest in.
We do not abuse power as long as we keep our common cause in mind and try to align our needs with each other.

Why is it better to be aware of our attitude?

Only when we become aware of our attitude do we begin to improve our relationships.
Because others can feel the attitude we take towards them.
Be aware that your inner state is transmitted, even if you do not express it.
If we want to let go of our resentment towards others, we must first be able to simply observe our feelings rather than identify with them.
Feelings are, as thoughts, not our real selves.
The highest form of intelligence is just to observe, without judgment.
Mostly, when we judge, we allow ourselves to be determined by unconscious likes and dislikes.
Much of the mental dialogue revolves around how we can control everything in our life to suit our preferences, or how we can avoid, what we dislike.
However, mostly we can not change other people or life events. Therefore our desire to control everything – which is also an attitude – creates tension and suffering.
We go through most of our lives thinking to know, what is best for us, but without knowing where these preferences are coming from.
What would we be doing if we weren’t being influenced by the reactions of like or dislike? In the Vedic tradition, this is called ‘indiscriminate awareness‘.
In indiscriminate awareness, life itself supports us with its cosmic energy, which is called ‘Dharma‘ in Hinduism and Buddhism.
What would happen if we surrendered our resistance and let the flow of life carry us beyond ourselves?
This would end the conflict between desire and necessity and turn the need in our favor.

How can we change our attitude?

We can change our attitude towards others by letting go of negative feelings toward them.
‘Letting go’ means holding or ‘enduring’ these constricting feelings for a manageable amount of time without identifying with them.
We surrender a feeling by allowing it to be there without condemning, judging, or resisting it.
Sometimes we even resist positive feelings, but we can also surrender this resistance.
It is not necessary to label or name our feelings.
By just feeling them, we let go of the blocked energy behind them.
It is resistance that keeps emotions going.
We can feel them without any distraction of thoughts until they are over.
Thoughts are caused by suppressed and repressed feelings.
When we really let go of a feeling, thousands of thoughts that were associated with it disappear.
Hence, it is a waste of time trying to change the thoughts on their own without letting go of the underlying feeling.
Choose to surrender negative feelings rather than express them, but share positive ones.
The positive inner state is always there, it is merely covered over by suppressed negative feelings.
Therefore, when we let go of negative feelings, our ability to love increases and we feel happier.

How to communicate feelings and needs nonviolently

Learning to communicate our feelings and needs precisely is the first step in nonviolent communication.
Try to tell people what you did not like, but without judging their behavior.
Stick with the facts: What happened? How did you feel?
Make a precise proposal, what could be changed, to better fulfill your needs.
Formulate your proposal as a request, not as a demand.
Try to determine if the other person really didn’t take your suggestion as a demand.
If your suggestion was actually understood as a demand, re-observe your feelings and intentions and rephrase your suggestion.
Then, listen compassionately to identify the other person’s feelings and needs, and see how both of your needs could be met.
Do not confuse the need with the method of meeting that need.
While we generally all have the same needs – albeit not always at the same time – the methods used to meet those needs can be very different.
When you give your compassion to someone, be present, don’t let thoughts distract you.
Don’t mistake compassion for pity.
Be careful not to propose solutions too quickly.
Your compassionate connection with the other person will bring the transformation by itself.
Stay with the feeling that you feel in the other.
By holding the feeling, you create a container for the other person’s feelings.
Stay aware and receptive without judging.
Just be with the other person. Any ‘doing’ interrupts the connection immediately.
Pure compassion opens a door to unimagined healing powers.

How we deal with feelings, when we are not aware

Generally, we have four major ways of handling feelings: suppression, repression, expression, and escape.
Escape is the avoidance of feelings through hectic activities. We suppress feelings by constantly distracting ourselves.
Many people believe that expressing their feeling relieves them of that feeling. But the expression usually gives a feeling even more energy.
We repress a feeling when it is associated with so much guilt or shame that it cannot even be consciously felt.
Repressed and suppressed feelings make us very vulnerable to stress and can even manifest themselves as psychosomatic illnesses.
A side effect of repression is denial and projection, which are unconscious defense mechanisms. We perceive our own feelings as if they were occurring in others.
The imaginary operation of denial and projection looks like this: ‘I can not admit my true feelings, it must be you, who has these feelings!‘ or ‘I am perfectly fine, you are the one who constantly causes problems!‘
Typical projections can be feelings of superiority, arrogance, the feeling of always being treated unfairly, defensive behavior, accusation, idealization, prejudices, jealousy, and a persecution complex.
Through this process of denial, there is a split in our personality. C.G. Jung called these denied parts of the personality ‘shadows‘.
It is the shadow that stands behind the riddles of our likes and dislikes. It determines what we like or criticize and judge.
The shadow keeps us in a kind of ‘fog’ so that the repressed feelings and their effects remain hidden from us.
However, when a shadow aspect is triggered, the repressed feeling can break out with overwhelming and uncontrollable vehemence.
Unpleasant energies can be a sign that we are projecting a repressed feeling. For example, if we perceive the world as a hostile place, it may be that a ‘vengeance shadow’ is responsible for this impression.
If we want to track down our shadows, we just have to pay attention to what strikes us or annoys us, particularly in other people. Feelings that we reject and suppress have a ‘charge’.
Everything we condemn in others is something that we probably reject in ourselves and do not want to admit.
If we accept those qualities in ourselves that disturb us in others, they lose their charge and will no longer upset us.
We feed our shadows by keeping secrets from others and ourselves; through feelings of guilt and shame; by criticizing ourselves and others; by blaming others for our negative feelings; by isolating ourselves and dividing others into friends and foes; by fighting against the ‘evil’.

Why is it so important to acknowledge even our darkest feelings?

When we repress feelings instead of feeling them, we project them outwards and blame the world for our negative feelings. We are in the victim’s attitude.
Our repressed negative feelings are often projected on vulnerable, exposed, or privileged groups, the scape-goats.
The elements of this process of division are secrecy, guilt & shame, condemnation, accusation, projection, separation, and last but not least (possibly violent) conflict.
This defense mechanism of denial underlies all attack, violence, aggression, and other forms of social destructiveness.
Even the ritual differentiation between degrees of purity (and impurity) has something to do with this collective archetype of the shadow.
We pay a very high price for not becoming aware of our negative feelings by repressing or ignoring them.
Therefore, if we want to practice Ahimsa or nonviolence consistently, it is crucial to become aware of all our ‘shadows’ and to reintegrate them into our personalities.
In order to uncover shadow issues, we need to be vigilant, ready, open, sincere, and courageous.
Once we realize that we are projecting a repressed feeling, we can try to catch it ‘redhanded’.
If we postpone this confrontation until later, the time window can close very quickly. The better option is to feel it before the defense mechanism makes the feeling inaccessible again.
The only thing to do now is to take notice of this feeling that comes to the surface and to acknowledge it. That’s it.
However, when we take responsibility for our negative feelings in this way, by recognizing them as parts of our personality, we should not go so far as to identify with these feelings.
Sometimes we feel a certain resistance to letting go of negative feelings because we believe that they can protect us – which maybe once was the case.
But keeping feelings like fear or rage alive for potentially hurtful events is worse than the pain itself. In this way, we also close our hearts to happy events.
When we ‘recycle’ feelings in this way, we are only strengthening the connection between the feeling and the past event that created it in the first place.
Moreover, shadows even blind us to warning signs of abusive relationships.
Even feelings have feelings. If we reject them or complain about them, if we blame ourselves or others for them, they will immediately hide again by diving into the unconscious.
It is precisely our inner critic or judge who banishes certain feelings into the realm of shadows.
On the other hand, if we acknowledge repressed feelings, we can remain compassionate and peaceful even when these dark sides show up in others. We are not triggered by them anymore.
By acknowledging or letting go of negative feelings, guilt-based self-sabotage behavior slowly decreases. Because all negative feelings are accompanied by feelings of guilt.
Once the shadow has become our friend again, it shows us the way back to the life that was meant for us, and to all that we can actually contribute to the whole.
We have to decide to accept all shades of our human existence, otherwise, the characters in the ‘off’ will remain the masterminds of our lives.
Only a transparent life is a free life.
The best way to realize everything within us is to recapture all the aspects of ourselves that we have banished into the realms of shadow.